Family Matters

It has been said that the hardest job for an adult is being a parent. There are so many different parenting styles, so many different needs for each individual child and so many different family situations. Thankfully, there is an organization specifically dedicated to helping parents achieve success in the family arena.

Founded in 1984, Parents Anonymous of Tyler, Inc. was established through the efforts of the Smith County Medical Society Alliance. It’s original purpose: to help put a stop to the tragic cycle of child abuse and to strengthen families with classes for parents and children. The organization encompasses everything from educational parenting classes, to ending abuse, to helping young parents prepare for the challenges ahead.

Executive Director for Parents Anonymous of Tyler, Inc., Terri Smith, says the need is great for an organization such as theirs. “Our small staff works very had to address these needs. Our entire budget is filtered back into providing programs for our families,” Smith explained. Parents attend morning and evening classes, offered in both English and Spanish, in one of three programs. Programs include the Middle Way Programs with participants referred from various entities made up of: the family court system, Municipal Court System, CPS, schools, doctors, therapists, various agencies, clergy and self-referrals. Their collaborative programs with the City of Tyler Municipal Court includes the Partners For Youth program.

“Whether it is out-of-control behavior, child abuse or parents who didn’t have good role models when they were growing up and just need some skills,” Smith said, “The hardest thing in the world is to raise a child, period. We serve as a resource for parents who need help learning skills to successfully raise their children.” One of their newest programs helps train and educate teen parents.

Due to the vulnerability of teen parents, especially teen moms, the Teens As Parents program focuses on educating teen moms on practical information that older parents have typically know. They are educated in nutrition, conception, giving birth, fetal alcohol syndrome – many things which Smith says the girls don’t know.

“They learn a coping skill for when their baby is crying all night. Or, they actually go to the hospital and see the delivery room. So that is another program,” she said. “We really like to work with them, even after the baby is born.” Teens As Parents, or TAP, continues up until 3 years of age.

Parents Anonymous was designed to serve families in crisis. Typically, this includes low-income families with custody issues, poor or no parenting skills and drug abuse. In some cases, children have been removed from the home because of parenting issues. Parents in this situation complete a 10-week course on parenting skills, discipline and communication. Children simultaneously complete their own classes to help create a cohesive family unit.

Perhaps the most amazing facet of the programs offered by the organization, is that due to funding and grants, all of the classes and programs are free. The TAP program is funded by the Junior League of Tyler, Inc. and other donors; Food Fast Children’s Charities and the Municipal Court help fund Partners For Youth. “We looked at the services we were offering and we realized that there is a real gap. There is not anyone who is offering such a service to our kids in Tyler. One of our long-range plans is to offer that to Dad’s too,” Smith revealed, “The Teens As Dads, I believe is going to happen in 2012 … and we are very excited about that!”

Over the course of the past five years, Smith explained that all of their programs have experienced growth, mainly due to Partners For Youth. The collaborative program, arranged by the Tyler Municipal Court, seeks to reduce the re-offender rate of juveniles in the courtroom. PFY was started by Municipal Court Administrator Cam McCabe to help teens. “The goal of program is to reduce the number of those ages 10 to 17 seen by the Municipal Courts by providing sources for youth to change behaviors and set them on course for a productive life,” Smith explained. The program seeks to do more than penalize, the program is designed the help teens change the direction of their lives.

Equipping clients for success with classes is done through peer-led, professionally guided, mutual-help groups and family and teen education programs. Some of their programs even extend into the literal classrooms in schools. Several years ago, they expanded their support groups for pregnant teens and new mothers to the John Tyler Campus. This past summer, they expanded their Middle Way classes into Jacksonville, with plans slated for Palestine. “Both communities have been extremely welcoming and supportive of this expansion,” Smith stated.

Apart from programs for young parents and troubled youth, Parents Anonymous offers support and training for any struggling parent. Smith revealed that she observes many modern parents do not set firm boundaries for children, resulting in behavior challenges from the child. Many parents struggle with effective and proper discipline. “A lot of times we react to our children and what they’ve done instead of responding to our children, and that punishment is not effective and is not healthy for children,” she explained. “Discipline should fit what they do and not go overboard.”

One of the main focuses of the programs is to prevent parents from repeating bad parenting habits they witnessed as a child “because that’s the way they were raised,” Smith said. It also helps to provide support for parents in similar circumstances. Even single parents can find reinforcement and encouragement at Parents Anonymous. Smith revealed that struggling single parents have no relief, no backup. They are mom and dad 24/7 – forever. There is nobody to discuss problems with or to go to for backup.

Parents Anonymous is for anyone experiencing parental stress and questions. Even parents who consider themselves knowledgeable may learn something new. Smith, who has been with the organization for nine years, has learned new techniques. When she started in 2002, both she and her husband took the parenting class. She recalled, “We were just overwhelmed because we considered ourselves good parents. But, I think we are so much better parents because we took this class!”

Among the invaluable things she learned was how to diffuse an escalating situation when children become upset. “If you’ll just take a deep breath and calm down, then talk in a low voice, that will calm a situation nine times out of 10. Little things like that make such a difference.” These tips from professionals can make a big impact, especially when a parent doesn’t know how to react or how their reactions affect their children. “The way you talk to your children … sometimes there are things that are common sense to us, but we just get so busy being a parent we don’t stop and think about them,” Smith said.

Becoming a knowledgeable and fit parent will help result in a successful family unit. Many parents that come to Parents Anonymous are not aware of the encroaching responsibility of parenthood. “It’s becoming very real to them,” said Smith. Yet, “They don’t realize what they are getting into.” Even so, the commitment to become a good parent has great rewards. It is a job to be taken seriously and the ultimate responsibility. Smith said, “[It’s] Forever. My oldest daughter is 21 and as far as I can tell, it’s forever.”