Call Of Duty

It happens in movies all the time. The wedding ceremony is almost complete, but first it’s time for the exchanging of vows. The preacher asks for the rings. The groom gives a head-nod for the best man to step forward. He reaches in his pocket and breaks a sweat – nothing. He sticks his hand back in and digs deeper. He checks his other pocket. The crowd becomes restless – they realize something is wrong. As the groom realizes what is happening, he officially starts freaking out...

Anyone that has ever served as a maid of honor or best man at a wedding knows they are important. Perhaps not until an incident like the one above happens do they realize just how important their duties are. And in some cases, the wedding cannot proceed as planned with out them. But the best man and maid of honor aren’t the only important roles in a wedding. The bride’s parents, bridesmaids, attendants, flower girls – all play an integral role in helping the bride and groom. Wedding aficionados Randi Mahomes, Catering and Events Coordinator for Hollytree Country Club; and Ronda James, Wedding Coordinator for Villa di Felicita; cover all the official duties for the wedding party. After all, when duty calls...

To get the big picture, Mahomes stresses that all bridal party members play a key role – much like the production crew in a movie. “The supporting cast helps with the production and planning of the wedding just like the crew in high-production movies,” she said. “Bridal party etiquette is taken very seriously, only the elite get to be part of the team and the success of the ‘perfect wedding day’ lies strongly in their dedication.”

Arguably, the most important assistant to the bride is the maid (or matron) of honor. She is characterized: part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Mahomes describes: “Chosen for [her] energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities. [She] should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package.” Traditionally, the maid of honor helps with the wedding planning in addition to the ceremony. Planning duties typically include: helping choose the wedding dress, helping choose bridesmaids dresses, assisting the bride with wedding plans and helping the bride with all planning (reception, showers, etc.).

She may help pick the bride make the decision on bridal bouquets, wedding colors or wedding vendors. James adds, “She also plays an important roll in being there when the bride tries on dresses and helps her choose the best one! The maid of honor is also responsible for planning the bachelorette party – this is always a fun job!” The M.O.A. (maid of honor) may be required to help with a bridal shower or a bride’s luncheon the wedding day. The day of the bride’s portrait setting, the M.O.A. also usually assists the bride with her dress.

The day of the wedding, the M.O.A. keeps the groom’s ring until the minister asks for it during the ceremony. She also holds the bride’s bouquet during the ring ceremony and the kiss. On the wedding day, the maid of honor also is responsible for arranging and fixing the bride’s train and dress during the ceremony. After the ceremony, she may be required to bustle the bride's dress in preparation for the reception. And finally, most M.O.A.s traditionally give a reception toast.

On the opposite side of the church is the best man. His duties include helping the groom both prior to and during the wedding. Mahomes says, “He is the groom’s deputy – his second in command and sworn henchman. This is the man who lends an ear when his best friend – the groom – is overwhelmed with the planning of the wedding.” His other pre-ceremonial duties include being a combination valet and hand-holder for the groom during the wedding process. Other duties include: planning the bachelor party, helping choose tuxes, keeping the groom happy and calm, and making sure the groom shows up to the wedding on time.

For the ceremony, the best man has the important job of keeping the bride’s wedding band until the ring ceremony. He also traditionally gives the “best man speech” at the reception. And perhaps the most fun job of all, the best man typically coordinates the decorating of the wedding ride when the bride and groom leave the ceremony.

Perhaps one of the most charming and whimsical parts of the wedding ceremony is when the flower girls stroll down the isle and sprinkle flower petals before the bridal march. And everyone "oohs" and "ahhs" as the ring bearer in his mini tux marches behind. James explains, “In old England, a small girl would sprinkle fresh roses along the pathway before the bride. This meant the bride would enjoy a rosy life.” Typically, flower girls and ring bearers range in age from 4 to 8. And while James shares that sometimes the bride opts to not have a small children in the wedding because they are unpredictable – James says that is part of their charm. “I always tell my bride’s not to stress about what the kids do (or for better terms, don’t do) because we all know how children are, and its part of their role … I think it is a tradition that is very special.”

Other jobs for the wedding crew during the ceremony and reception include greeters, hostesses, guest book attendants and cake cutters. These are great jobs for those special people the bride does not want to leave out and who were not bridesmaids or groomsmen. These involve just showing up the day of the wedding and helping pass out programs, etc. “Cake cutters are not as popular anymore because so many facilities provide this service.” But if the bride wants her party to do it, James advises: “It is very important to have someone that has experience in cutting cake because it really can be difficult sometimes. It can be very messy and a not-so-fun job!”

The mistress of ceremonies helps prep for the wedding and reception; and the wedding emcee job is typically handled by the DJ or band. The bride’s parents also play a large role, as they are responsible for the cost of the wedding and reception. They also typically help during the wedding and planning process. The wedding day the parents are responsible for getting all the bride’s belongings to the ceremony site (bridal clothing, accessories, etc.) and taking all her items home at the end of the night.

Personal attendants help the bride dress in her gown and with hair and makeup – the wedding coordinator can also help with this duty. Groomsmen attend the bachelor party and make sure the wedding runs smoothly. Bridesmaids also attend the bachelorette party and help the bride the day of the wedding. Ushers are another important component of the ceremony – especially if there are lots of guests. They help usher in the Grandparents and parents during the processional, James shared – they also open the doors for the bride. She recommends two ushers per 100 guests and says groomsmen often double as ushers.

Another non-traditional, yet important, role is that of the wedding coordinator. James says most facilities have coordinators who can help with day-of coordination. The coordinator can act as the manager of the ceremony. They handle all the details from showing the bridal party where to stand during the ceremony, to making sure everyone is there for the photos after the ceremony. They can also step in if there are any kinks (such as a late groomsman, or missing flower girl). An experienced coordinator can ensure the bride doesn’t spend her special day stressed with the minor details.