His & Hers: What To Do With This Stuff

She Says: The wedding is a couple weeks away. You and your fiancé are frantically helping each other box up each others belongings for your new home together. The task seems simple. Then, you discover all your future hubby’s extra stuff that simply will not fit in your new residence. You hope many of these items will get “lost” in the move (like Big Mouth Billy Bass the talking fish, or perhaps the assortment of antlers that were nailed to the wall in the kitchen). If you fear his collection of Anime figures will end up on your new Pottery Barn bookcase in the dining room – take a deep breath and count to 10. Moving is a great time to simplify your lives by literally getting rid of excess baggage. Take this as an opportunity to help your fiancé streamline his belongings – especially the Anime figures!

He Says: Guys, follow her advice and count to 10. You’re starting a new life together, and there will definitely be some decorative changes on the horizon. But, you can stand your ground a little – you don’t have to give up everything, and you certainly aren’t going to get your way completely. It's called compromise. Larry David once said, “Compromise is when neither parties are satisfied.” And you'd better get used to compromise if you want to get anything accomplished (and keep your sanity).

WHAT TO TRASH
She Says: Depending on how big your parents-in-law’s house is, you may be able to send hot-button items to grandma’s if your fiancé is not ready to part with them. However, some things should be designated “trash.” While sorting these items kindly remind your man: if it is not in good enough condition to donate to someone who could use it, sit it on the curb outside for the next garbage pick up. A great example of this is the proverbial ‘bachelor’s chair.’ (This is a beat-up lazy boy that smells funky, is covered in brown or olive green striped fabric and looks like it’s from “The Jefferson’s.”) Items such as the ‘bachelor’s chair’ do not need to take up space in your living room. Let your man say his goodbyes and send it to a better place (aka. the dumpster)! Your mantra: Because if Goodwill wouldn’t keep it, we shouldn’t either!

He Says: Not so fast ladies. The ‘bachelor’s chair’ is not a concept that applies only to the guys. The idea of items that really should be (but haven’t been) tossed out can certainly cross the gender lines. It’s true that some of these things might not be as visible as collectible action figures on the shelf or a dingy, green barcalounger stinking up the living room. However, how many pairs of shoes do you have in your closet that you haven’t worn in five years? How many sweaters, skirts and bridesmaids dresses are spilling out into the hall closet – things you know you’ll never wear again? What about that awesome muumuu you got on Spring Break in Cancun in 2002? Time to say goodbye.

WHAT TO DONATE
She Says: The great thing about negotiating what can be given away to the less fortunate is you can convince your hubby if he doesn’t use it all the time – someone else who really needs it will. Remind him of this as you are sorting through matchbox car collections, bedroom suites that pay homage to the Huskers and golf-themed bathroom décor. Now, if your new abode has room for a designated ‘sports man cave,’ then the walls of this space are a great place for memorabilia from his favorite team. The master suite, however, is not. But be prepared for this to work both ways! If you inspire your man to part ways with his transformer collection, your array of troll dolls may be in the box with them.

He Says: This is an area where it’s a little easier to compromise for both parties. You don’t have to ask your wife to actually remove her possessions from existence, just to transfer them to someone else. We are more willing to part with that sports memorabilia or our other trinkets if we know they will be getting a good home. Guys may claim not to be sentimental creatures, but that’s not always the case; and nephews, neighbors and others can offer the care we can no longer provide. Getting rid of large swaths of your memories can be tough, but when you see your wife following suit and parting ways with some items that don’t have a place in your new home together, it will be tolerable. Not fun, but tolerable.

WHAT TO KEEP
She Says: Some things are definitely worth saving. Letter jackets, christening gowns and graduation robes are all great things to save and show your future children. However, (and I speak from experience) they will not make it to the future unless they are stored in a manner that preserves them. For example: in a grocery sack on the floor of the garage is not where his Cub Scout uniform needs to decompose for two decades. In a garment bag inside an air conditioned closet, professionally stored and preserved or even stored inside a Rubbermaid tub will all help ward off moths, fading and discoloration. And if space is limited, your mother-in-law may be happy to store these treasures until you and your husband have room to store them in your home.

He Says: Maybe the overriding theme here is that there are two distinct sections of your life, one of which is ending. There is your life before and your life after moving in with your spouse. Consequently, there are remnants of that previous life that mean more to each of you individually than they will together. Sure, you love each other and your pasts are a part of the history that brought you together – but at the end of the day there is only so much room in the attic and the garage. Take an honest look at what’s important to you. Decipher the items you want to share with your future kids and items of personal/sentimental value from the things you only think you want to hold on to. And pick a few extra things you really don't need and know she'll absolutely hate to use as bargaining chips later.

In Conclusion: Albert Einstein once said, “... Out of clutter, find simplicity.” So, remember that all the his and hers stuff is just that – stuff. If it goes unused for a year it becomes junk, whether it’s shoes or baseball cards. If it breaks or is not fit for another human, it is trash. Be kind if your spouse-to-be is the sentimental type and has difficulty parting with the myriad of stuff, junk and trash. That said, if you’re having issues, make sure the next time you watch TV the channel happens to land on “Hoarders” for additional inspiration during the move. Best of luck.

This story written by William Knous and Holly Head

*BSCENE and authors are not responsible for any arguments between spouses or missing personal items resulting from reading this article. All scenarios are purely fictional (except the grocery bag and muumuu references) and any similarity to actual events is strictly coincidental.